Some times we just don’t understand

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Tonight I write this entry with a heavy heart. Not for me, but for a friend. She just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, in what should have been a joyous time, was not. 

This friend of mine, was told that she could not conceive children, and low and behold she was pregnant with fraternal twin girls. Everything seemed normal for a long time, she was nearly 20 weeks in when she was rushed to the hospital  in labor. At 20 weeks there was no way that the babies could survive. Today she delivered one of the two babies at 21 weeks and she passed within a few hours. 

The family can’t even grieve properly over the loss of one baby because there is a second still in the womb. The doctors were able to stop the labor and hopefully the second baby will be able to hold out for another 3-4 weeks. My heart goes out to this family, to my friends…

Sometimes we just don’t understand what Gods plan is, but know that it’s for the best… although times like these we wonder why. Rest in peace little angel in pink. 

 

Its a love Hate Relationship!!

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I would love to hate it. I would also hate to love it.

It’s everywhere right now, Buy this, get that.

Candy here, Flowers there, Edible bouquets of fruit arranged to look like flowers.

There are so many expectations, so many standards that its just not possible to live up to them.

Yes I am talking out the one day of the year, where everyone gets all mushy and lovey dovey. Where girls expect these elaborates gifts from their boyfriends, fiance`s or their husbands.

All this money is spent on candy and for what? To gain a few extra pounds so our significant other can hear us complain abut being fat?

Florist spend hundreds of hours getting these bouquets of roses ready to deliver, ship and show up on work desks all over the country, just so they can be a symbol of someones “love” for us?

You want to give me this beautiful creation, in a glass Vase that i get to look at for a week before it withers away and dies as a symbol of your “undying ” love? No.

Dinner, Dinner and a movie seems like a safe idea yes? You can get all dressed up, go to a fancy restaurant, let her order whatever she wants (no complaining about getting fat there). A nice quiet dinner followed by a 7:00 movie… right ?

WRONG!! It is Valentines Day. If you didn’t make reservations somewhere, you aren’t getting in. And if you are lucky enough to get in somewhere, you have already been waiting for a table for over an hour. Your server is exhausted because she is going on hour 7 of her shift with out a break and the previous 4 tales didn’t leave a tip. The kitchen takes forever to get your food cooked because lets face it…. they have at least 100 other people to cook for at that exact same moment. Ohh and your just got your main course and the movie started 5 minutes ago…

So here is some advice from a married woman of over 7 years, and a current waitress… Go rent a few movies, make a homemade pizza together cuddle on the couch and enjoy your night of just being together. Don’t worry about well she got this or he bought her that! Good for them, but will they really remember how the caviar tasted that night? Or will they remember making pizza dough together and getting into a flour fight? (trust me its the flour fight :))

Valentines day is just a marketing ploy to get people to spend  money to show someone else how much they love them. Do it every day of the year. A simple I love you, a hug, or a kiss on the forehead will usually suffice.

So I lied. its not a love hate relationship with Valentines day. Its a hate hate relationship, and my husband is perfectly ok with that.

The day my world got flipped upside down

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This is my first blog ever, so things may get a little out of hand. In English class the other day we were supposed to write down as many memories as we could. The following isn’t what I wrote down, but it is a moment in my life that I will never forget.

The sun was bright, and it was really warm to almost be Easter!

The kids were playing tag in the yard, which turned into a game of boys chasing the girls.

The adults were getting food ready so everyone could eat dinner before we went hunting for Eggs

My sister called from the Kitchen “Sash, your phone is ringing”

“Who is it I asked” I was planning on ignoring it. The caller id blinked unknown.

An unknown caller on a Sunday,it was an odd occurrence.

I answered, my father-in-law was on the other end.

“sweetie, there has been an accident, Jasons been hurt real bad. He is being airlifted to UK Medical center”

I dropped to my knees and go completely. I ask so many questions, but there isn’t an answer to any of them yet.

After a few seconds I get the strength to walk into the kitchen and tell everyone what happened.

I gather my things and run out to my car as fast as I can, only to hear my sister behind me.

Thank goodness she is coming with me.

I drive to UK hospital not remembering any of the drive but realizing that I arrived very quickly.

walking into the ER seeing my husband, the love of my life, my world, laying on a stretcher

back board under his back, a neck collar to keep him from moving.

Nurses and doctors everywhere, blood and IVs

A nurse pulls me to the side, tells me that he is in serious condition and that they are rushing him to Xray and MRI. He has some head, neck and back trauma, and that I needed to wait in the waiting room.

Sitting there for what seemed like hours, but was really only a few minuets.

the doctor finally comes in, He can’t feel or move his left arm, he is in stable condition, but I can see him.

walking into the private ER room, felt like an eternity.

preparing myself for the worst that I could imagine, just to make myself stronger.

Only the neck brace, and IVs remained

His eyes were closed, he was sleeping, there was a lot of pain medication in his system.

holding his hand, tracing circles on the back of it. he opens his eyes and gives me a weak smile.

i lost all composure i had at that moment.

Tears, sobs overcame my entire body unable to stop crying

he tries to comfort me, hearing his voice only makes my crying more uncontrollable.

The doctors pull me away because I have paperwork to fill out, while he needed a CT scan

I love yous were exchanged and off he went, in the opposite direction that I was being lead to.

The doctors said he would be fine, however there was nerve damage. He may never be able to use his left arm again.

allowing the tears to flow once again

I was angry that it was him that was injured and not me.

Months of therapy, pain, frustration, and the desire to give up

Therapy not working and surgery being our next option.

The months of pain from the metal that was implanted

The rehabilitation, the lawyers, the bills, the stress and the pain.

I remember the day that my world got flipped upside down, and nothing remains the same.